to be thankful and rejoice in the saviors birth. Yet I find myself resenting it. I sit here in the dark looking at my tree and realize I have lost the joy these days. I think it has been a long time coming, this year has been hard on me. Life is changing for everyone but me. I moved to Dallas thinking I would have a great life, I would make great friends and be happy. Now 7 years later I am more alone than ever. Friends I have made are drifting away, people get married, have kids and want friends who are the same, so husbands can be friends and kids can grow up together. Not too long ago someone told me (maybe as a joke, but I took it personally) that in order to see more of my friends, I need to get a husband so we can all hang out. My phone doesn’t ring and my days off are spent often alone. I have a roommate but she has a boyfriend, so for the most part I am alone. I work a lot and use that as an excuse why I don’t see friends, but to be honest I really don’t feel like I have many friends. My heart hurts and I get angry, angry at God because I don’t understand why, why I always feel so alone and why I don’t really feel at home anywhere.
I want to be thankful this holiday season, I even forced myself to put up a tree and now I sit and stare at it, and it means nothing because I have no one to share it with.
However I hope everyone else in this world feels nothing like this and they can rejoice in the gift God gave us, and maybe I will find it again